Where I've been!

Hello again, adoring public (all 8 of you)! I know it's been a long time since I've written, but there has been high drama in the Casa de los V., so please give me a chance to explain it. Way back in December, there was this InStyle party and my boss’s husband (Big Famous Actor) needed a date for his assistant so he asked me to go along. Begrudgingly I dragged myself all the way to Neiman’s and met with Nanette to fit me with a new Zac Posen. Two hours later I went to Loehmann’s and bought last season’s Marc Jacobs instead. It sucks being poor! But still, naturally, who was I to pass up an evening of cosmos and cuties, with a well-dressed guy at my side to fend off all the potential creeps? I met up with Cute Assistant Boy (heretofore known as CAB) at Juliano's Raw for a quick dinner, because nothing's tackier than (a) meeting up with someone right outside the entrance to a party and (b) actually eating the food, no matter how expensive it is.

As usual, the courtyard was full of desparate way-too-tarted-up actresses hoping someone important would notice them on the way in. None of them were in the running to be the female acquaintance I still hope to eventually make, if that's what you're wondering. CAB and I steered through the place pretty well, managing to avoid both the people who were way too into making deals, and the people who were way into acting crazy and doing whatever drugs they could find. (And the people who were kind of both.) CAB started talking to some sitcom girl eventually, so I went off in search of drinks, which I obviously found pretty easily. Drinks turned into more drinks, which turned into a confused, zig-zaggy, kind of floaty V. But Floaty V. managed to find CAB again before the night was over, and Floaty V. was pretty intent on making out with him. Which she did, successfully. But she doesn't really remember what happened over the next couple hours.

Until suddenly Non-Floaty V. and Surprisingly Less Sexy CAB woke up on the couch... mostly naked... in the living room of my boss.

I wish I was making it up. The conclusion, aftermath, and after-aftermath will follow shortly, once I've had another couple days to Fred Segal the whole fiasco out of my system.